I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
