he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
