Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
