Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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