haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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