I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
