I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
