i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize