There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
