i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
