And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
