i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
soo... how was my night?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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