Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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