She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
