i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
