he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
