dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
