You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
