Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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