If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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