just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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