Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
