I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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