I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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