the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
