and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
