i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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