there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
