so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
