i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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