So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
