She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
