i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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