So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
