I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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