you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
