He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
