a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
