Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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