Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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