but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
