woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
