Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize