Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
