she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
