I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
