i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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