woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
false alarm, still single
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
