i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
are you so shy because you have an std?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
