Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize