i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
