is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
