Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
