Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
