I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
