Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
