No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize