is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
