I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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