Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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