can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
