I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I love you. Go after that dick
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
