As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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