i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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