We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
