Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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