i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
