theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
