I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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