oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
