marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
