good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
