john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
