...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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