What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
