but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
