guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
