Dual....:-)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So vagazzling was a success
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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