Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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