Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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