he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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