I want to make a zoo with you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
