you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
