this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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