So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
