You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
is that a dick in a sweater?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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