i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
