I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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