Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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