Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
